I Can No Longer “Zip It”!

Posted by Karen Sugarman Designs on


Let’s just get this straight and out of the way . . . up front. This post if NOT about the COVID-19 weight gain most of us have experienced for 6 months while attempting to stay at home and be safe & healthy. That fiasco has resulted in 200,000+ lives needlessly lost and millions of Americans sick, worried and grieving - asymptomatic or not.

I have been such a good little retailer for so long, I feel as though I am about to BURST. Most of you probably do not know, but I was previously married and divorced. My first marriage was to a man who we much later figured out (near the end of his life) had Narcissist Disorder and also was a Sociopath. I can only guess you are wondering why I stayed with someone so flawed as this for such a long time. When we first met we were in our late teens and although I thought he was very nice and polite (as did my parents), there were peculiarities that should have been warning signals . . . but they weren’t.

We were married for 12 years and separated for about 3 years of that time. His peculiarities seemed to grow and become more profound the older he got. He seemed to be living in an alternate universe of his making . . . much of this will probably sound familiar if you have been an adult alive for the past 3.5 years. There was a constant stream of lies from huge ones to stupid little ones and everything in between. There was “Gaslighting” where he made me think there was something wrong with me rather than with him. The infidelities were rampant and his spending was completely out of control. I went from one psychologist to another thinking I had some type of problem, only to be told after a few months they found nothing wrong with me, but they would like to speak with my husband! He absolutely refused to go.

He eventually abandoned me and our child, for a second time, and at some point I met a wonderful and understanding man who would become my second husband. Even when Husband #1 told me he felt he had made an awful mistake and perhaps we should try again - this time I told him I could not accept him back into my life. Probably the most intelligent thing I have ever done! I had stayed and tried again after the first admission from him, because I had a young son and felt obligated to keep the family together. In hindsight, it was probably best for me to move on with my life and hopefully, expose my son to a father-figure with decent morals and attributes.

We had little to no contact once I remarried - even though I encouraged my son (then a teenager) not to write him off or close any doors. He completely ignored our son and was so cruel as to tell him he would come for a week-end visit or to take him to the movies . . .but that never transpired. My son refused to leave the house so he would not miss his visits! It was so incredibly horrible for my son, and for me as a witness . . . it was almost unbearable. It is truly a wonder my son turned out to be as normal and kind as he is, knowing just how insane his father was.

A couple of years ago, Husband #1 moved from Massachusetts to Texas to live with our son and family. They even bought a new house with an in-law apartment just to accommodate his move. As I am certain you might have imagined - the crazy shenanigans just continued. Eventually, he managed to cash out investments, schedule a flight to Massachusetts (where his brother and family lived) and called an Uber to take him to the airport. Everything was done without my son or daughter-in-law’s knowledge. This was not his first disappearing act, but the others were long, long ago. He eventually bought a rather large townhouse in Maine, then a much smaller condo in a historic home, which had a much smaller footprint. He was suffering from Parkinson’s Disease and had significant Heart Failure. He passed away about a year ago - alone and totally broke. Husband #2 and I went to Maine to help our son with funeral arrangements and to clean out his condo so it could be sold. I won’t go into all the details of that week and all the drama, but it was heartbreaking for everyone in our family.

Why am I telling you all of this in my blog? I have been quiet for so long about my feelings regarding our current President. Everyday, the news is like living “Groundhog Day” for me. The alternate universe that Trump has made for himself, the thousands of lies, the infidelities of which he has been accused, the mean and nasty rhetoric and Tweets regarding some very upstanding persons that either knew or worked with him, his complete denial of the dangers of Coronavirus and his delayed and very limited use of the the Defense Production Act, his decision to hold indoor and outdoor rallies with very few persons wearing masks and no social distancing and “Gaslighting” of the American public. In my lifetime, and I am no spring chicken, I have never been witness to the sheer number of books written by a President’s family or individuals that worked for a current President possibly jeopardizing themselves . . . just to tell the truth about a mentally ill President. All of these books so far have been written in real time and should serve as a warning that we truly have a very mentally unfit and unstable person serving as President of the United States (not exactly the “Very stable genius” he thinks he is)! Almost every utterance that comes from his mouth daily, reminds me of the most agonizing period of time in my life.

I realize this is not going to sit well with any of my customers that might be thinking of another four years of this unsound insanity. Be that as it may, I simply cannot sit by idly without saying what is the real unvarnished truth about something I know so much about. Narcissist Disorder was only officially recognized as a metal illness around 1980 - even though it was a well documented disorder among mental health professionals. Just as with the onset of Schizophrenia, it tends to manifest in early adulthood.

Up until this year I have been registered as an Independent and have voted for both Republican and Democratic Presidential candidates - the best person for the job. This year is very different for me and I cannot in good conscience remain silent about the dangers this President represents - especially in light of my past dealings with this particular type of Mental Illness. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from someone who has already been in the trenches . . .the outcome of another four years of Trump is almost certain to leave Americans in a horrible state.


Bluebelle Necklace

Share this post

← Older Post Newer Post →


  • Hello Karen, I’ve drooled over your jewelry for years; know it’s more than the four years it’s been since I left my narcissistic relationship. I’ve always been envious of your designs, because I could see “something” behind the them; didn’t realize what until today; finally read your bio and blog post. First, thank you for sharing how the past few years have affected you. I couldn’t figure out my negative feelings, but finally realized this administration triggers old emotions. Mostly, I love your story about the process to becoming a jewelry designer; and now understand what I see in your designs. Thank you for so much – and all the best, cb

  • You have experienced great suffering. Glad you got away from your former husband and built a better life for yourself. You are a kind and loving woman. Strong of spirit too. We will survive this mess in the White House. Best regards.

    Celeste Herrick on

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published.